Pre-prayer-ing for Spine Surgery (2016)

How things change in a year! In 2016, I was preparing to have spine surgery the day before Thanksgiving. As I look back on my journal in “pre-prayer-ation”, I can’t help but think: God, you obviously know what you’re doing, even when it feels like I've lost control (literally, I couldn't feel or use parts of my left leg!)...

Nov 22, 2016:

Tomorrow...Please say a prayer for a successful spine surgery and that I end up much more functional than I’ve been the past 8.5 months!

I’ve dealt with moderate-to-severe nerve pain for most of this year. It has taught me so many lessons (I wish I could get Continuing Ed Credit towards my PT license)!

This MRI was taken in June, about 3 months after the initial injury (I was 8 months pregnant when I hurt my back –basically, it gradually became a humongous pain in the butt! I couldn’t feel my left foot and lost reflexes and strength linked to the S1 nerve root). I just had to deal with it since I couldn’t take pain meds and other conventional treatments were limited while I was pregnant. Once baby boy joined our family, I chose to breastfeed -I didn’t want to have surgery right away and risk losing my milk production, especially since he never accepted a bottle...never. Again, pretty much just had to deal with it.... For my PT friends, you know I'm my own case study (where's my extra credit??)! For those who perform McKenzie positioning techniques -I tried it all! The only "directional preference" that I responded to is a side-glide maneuver just to straighten up (supine/prone/standing flexion AND extension peripheralize down the left ham/calf/foot). Other therapies I've done include taping and bracing, lumbar traction, soft tissue massage targeting QL's, piriformis, and psoas, chiropractic adjustments, & modalities (e-stim, cold laser, dry needle, ice) for pain. I can't handle much Therapeutic Exercise -sometimes bridges are ok, but most days just doing a pelvic tilt (anterior or posterior) light it up. I practice diaphragmatic breathing a LOT and perform TvA and glute setting all day long in order to lift /push /pull /roll over /rise up (basically to just get through a 'normal' day!)

What else have I learned? What questions do I often address with inquirers?

"How are you coping?" Well, I really miss exercise endorphins! As a former collegiate athlete, I find great benefit in being able to “work out my problems with a workout”…but I haven’t been able to get up a sweat since March. I’m a lot grumpier ;) and I just have to remind myself to Breathe in, Breathe out, & Repeat.

I've cycled through the "5 Stages of Grief” a few times during this injury: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I'm not trying to be dramatic -I think it's normal and can apply to any significant loss (even like the time a blood test indicated I should give up gluten -what horrible news for anyone with Italian ancestry!)

It’s cliché, but it’s always important to look for the silver lining. I’m really thankful for the health I DO have, and try to focus on what I CAN do. For the things I can’t, I’m grateful for the help I’m given. For example, through this experience I tend to measure my functional status by whether I can put my own socks on. For the days I can’t, it’s been an opportunity to teach my two-year old how to serve others. The people in my family (at home AND at work!) have been great supporters. I can’t express my gratitude enough.

I’ve found that staying distracted is a lot better than dwelling. The pain fluctuates but it's always there. The times when I can persevere are more fruitful than the times when I just want to have a pity party. This is why I keep working and why I stay engaged with my family -to try to make a positive impact and memories despite my discomfort.

The biggest lesson I’m learning is this: Pain has a Purpose… we don’t need to fear it!

While my physical muscles have atrophied, my Spiritual muscles have grown beastly ha. Reminder to all: we are in GOoD company when we suffer... Our Jesus could have taken an easy escape, but out of Obedience and Love, He endured major physical and emotional pain in order to save us from our selfishness (the center of all sin is “I”). His Sacrifice puts all of my troubles into proper Perspective. None of us are going to have a pain-free life... it IS in our control how we respond to it though. I’ve learned a big lesson in how to react less to pain (it only makes it worse when we let fear, anger, & frustration in), and look to my Saving Role Model: Jesus, who took on suffering with such Grace...and thank God we have access to it too! (Eph6:10 “draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power”). People ask me how I keep working? Grace. They wonder why I don’t take heavy pain meds? Grace (and because I’m goofy enough without a lot of drugs haha).

Other common questions I answer daily include:

"How did you lose the baby weight?" 1) I'm still breastfeeding, 2) I got adult braces, 3) I lost muscle.

"How can I help you?” Well, I never have an answer for this one…not sure if it’s because my pride makes me think I can do everything on my own, or if it’s my humility because I don’t want to burden others (those who serve have a hard time being served).

“Aren’t you better yet?” I’m sure anyone with chronic pain or illness can relate. It can be especially frustrating as a physical therapist to help my patients heal and "graduate" from treatment, while I’m still strapping on my back brace. I want to do what they can do now! Again, Grace gets me through.

Last, "How can I pray for you?” I just ask for God to be with the surgeon and his staff to perform a smooth procedure, for Calmness over my anxiousness, and for continued Grace, especially for my husband and kids during my recovery!

<-- Day of Surgery: This working Mom was really excited for a 2 hour nap!

UPDATE: Thanksgiving 2017 is FULL of gratitude for all the answered prayers! XO